When is a dream a memory, or a memory a dream?
Last night I was awakened by a dream. It was so real that it contained facts, names and places, and thoughts so real that I am still unsure if I was recalling a real past event. I do not know if this was an actual event in my waking life. I do know that the events of the dream were as real as me sitting here writing my blog.
I awoke to recall that I do really know all the players. I can verify this as a fact. I have since moved from the place where the events took place [did they?]. I see the names and faces. I feel the person, and her close personal contact. I feel deep inside me her warmth, and kisses. I know her body in only the way you can know a woman you have been physically intimate with. Yet, I also know that often sexual intimacy mostly takes place in the deep reaches of the mind. You are with your lover. Your eyes are closed. Your hands and lips record much of the feelings. Your minds eye records the feelings and fills in the visual aspects of love. Your thoughts center on the pleasure you are feeling, and you strain to reach that eternal craving for ecstasy.
Even after the quest is met your mind slides back down to reality [what you think is awakening]. You open your eyes, and quickly register the moment. You say, yes this is love, and this is my lover. Yes it really happened.
Well, I don't know anymore.
Last night was a follow up. My memory went back to an encounter which my thoughts tell me was a real event in my life from many years back. I was there many times. The memory is so clear. Each detail fills my every thought. The touch and feel are as real as this moment.
I met her at a friends house. She was slim, petite, and very desirable. She wore a silky gray shift that clung to her luscious curves. Her breasts were not too large for her body, in fact they were just right. She had a nice curve about the hips and her bottom was round soft. Her tummy was flat. Her legs were long and had a nice shape that is always accentuated when a woman points her toes down like a ballerina on point. She and I met at her home. I was invited to a party. We spoke, and she whispered her thoughts to me. I was surprised. I did not know she had such intentions. I was somewhat naive.
Later she suggested we meet in another place. We danced at this party. I felt intimate with her just dancing. She had give me the courage to meet with her again. I did not know what I was doing. My mind was under her control. More than just a sexual urge. I was drawn to her, and I could not figure out why. We had only had brief and polite encounters prior to this moment. We had talked and shared some thoughts. She loved conversation as much as me. She had read some of my thoughts and poems, which were not that good.
It was an early Fall evening. The house was dark, and it was on a lonely street in a poor area of the town. I was afraid of this meeting. I did not know what was going to happen. We met. She led me to one of the many rooms. There were others there, but we did not meet or talk to them. I had the feeling this was a place just for discreet sex. It was very strange.
In our waking state we sometimes encounter situations that we think are not real.
This was one of those situations.
Was this a dream or did it happen?
Either way it became embedded in my mind. We were naked in the room. I had watched in awe as she slid off the silky shift she had been wearing. She wore no other clothing. She was naked in a second; my feeling was not as expected. I did not see anything dirty or perverted or voyeuristic about her beautiful form. She was Art, and I was the artist taking in the beauty and power of the female form. In woman, God has created the most perfect curves and shapes for man to view. Somehow the female form itself controls man. I know some women say a man should look within the woman for joy, but God has made man to look first, and then to feel. That is why we are such pathetic figures when it comes to relationships. Adam and every man after him soon learned of the power God gave woman. Who was the nut that coined the phrase "the weaker sex?".
The bed clothes were still warm as if someone had been there just before us. The feeling was overwhelming. Better than any I had ever had. It was like the first time, only better. like dreams that must be shared together. Only this time I had hopes that it would last forever. The thoughts were within me; eyes open or closed.
Her body was petite yet firm and strong. Her breasts were the exact size of my hand as I cupped them. The nipples were pink; the larger ring bulged out and was capped with a firm protruding end that got harder and longer as I twittered it up and down with my tongue. She moved over me, and I held her waist and hips as my arms encircled her body. Then I ran my hands up and down her smooth back and firm bottom. I was hard, and I could feel her warm wetness instantly as she straddled me.
We had a series of these encounters each more powerful than the last. Then suddenly it was over. I don't remember where or when, but for years I thought of those encounters with great inner joy. But also I had some sense of doom or mystery about the entire tryst. It did not seem right nor did it seem quite real. In my awakened state everything was clear. Her supple body; her mouth; her warmth; the feeling of being intertwined with someone. One particular thought that was embedded in my mind was me touching her and exploring her with my hands and fingers. It was real. She was divine when she kissed. She explored my mouth and tongue, and I explored her. As I did, she would cross her legs over me as we sat next to each other on her sofa, and she would roll over me and then take my face in her hands. This is so vivid in my mind and my senses, that when I recall the event I actually relive it. Her warm soft hands caressed and held my head and her thumbs stroked my cheeks and eyes. Her fingers dug into the hairs at the back of my skull and held my neck ;the forefingers gently massaging behind my ears. All the time she was deeply yet gently kissing my mouth, and probing me with her hot tongue. I gave in. All defenses of the waking state were gone. I was limp, and she held me in her power.
I sat there with her straddling me and kissing and caressing me, as I released all tension and let down all barriers that people naturally have up when they are engaged with other humans. The joy of doing this was beyond anything I had ever experienced. I could just enjoy her with no effort on my part. The power of her strong womanhood had taken me body and soul.
#1 Dream or reality? [Alternate endings]
This morning I woke very early.
I had a revisited her last night to say goodbye.
I do not know why? I only know that again it was real. The memories were real. Yet I do not know if it happened in my awakened state. What is the mind? Where are the events that are inside our heads? Do they take place in another dimension? Do we travel outside our bodies? Does the soul roam all over the globe- the universe each evening? I do not know. I do know that I have memories; vivid memories of what happened.
I came to her home. Her friend was there. I know him. He is a real person; though I have not seen him for years. She was sitting on the sofa wearing a soft supple shift. Her body was the same. She was as luscious as ever, and the curves still had their power over me. My friend went to the kitchen to get all of us a drink. I sat on the sofa next to her. I noticed the dress that clung to her body. Everything was happening all over again. The feelings were rushing back. On a table behind the sofa was a memo pad near the phone.
I wrote. " Sorry, but it is over."
She looked at the note, and at me.
"Do you remember?" she asked.
I reached in my pocket and pulled out my key chain. I flipped over to the key to the home where we once met. She looked stunned,
" I did not know you had a key. Why do you still have it?" She spoke softly, and I understood she had a new lover, and did not wish to alarm him.
I smiled I could see him in the kitchen. She reached over and held my face in her hands again, and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. He entered with some glasses in hand. I looked at him, and could sense the finality of the moment. I knew he was wondering what was going on.
I got up and left. I could not look back, I could not see that form again, and not be overpowered. She was gone. The moment was gone. The love was gone.
I awoke wondering: dream or memory.
I tried hard to recall if I had really experienced all of this. I knew the characters. I had vivid memories of the many encounters with her. I kept trying to feel if it was a dream or a memory.
Will I ever Know???
ALT:
#2 Dream or Reality?
I revisited her last night with the intention of decoding these tortured dreams or fantasies or mysterious events.
.
For many years I had what I thought was a serial dream or and unaccountable relationship with a beautiful young woman, who for the life of me I cant figure out why she would find me attractive and desirable.
My memories of this relationship are so very real, but they could be only deja vous - again you!, and never actually took place. I mean when you say I know I was here before, but you are really not sure if you were or if you just imagined it. That was me in this situation.
I went over to her house. She was there with a friend I know. He is a real person. I could call him on the phone to prove it; I worked with him for over 5 years. That is true and real, so I know I did not dream him. However I was surprised that he was the one she was with at her home. As lovers we never took the time to talk. Conversation was only with our hands, mouths and bodies. I mean we never had a conversation other than arranging out next discreet encounter.
She answered the door in a red silky shift that clung to her perfect body. She turned slightly, and told her friend she had a visitor. He acknowledged me, and then went to the kitchen casually asking what I would like to drink. She gently took my hand and led me to the sofa. I sat, and she sat very close. I could feel the warmth emanating from her body, and as she moved I could hear the soft silky swoosh of the silk dress rubbing up against her thighs. She still was driving me nuts, and making it difficult for me to say what I came to say.
What did I come to say, and why was this happening again in my life? I thought this was all in the past or just an old vivid dream!
Yet I was reliving it and it was not a dream. Then I knew this really happened. Yes my mind recorded actual events. I knew the guy I knew the woman. I could not dream up a form and beauty such as this.
Ok! I would do what I came to do.
“Where did you go?”, She asked.
“I missed you so much,” she moved closer and peered into my eyes. Her deep blue eyes were like the Gulf Sea, and I just wanted to dive into the warm waters again.
“I have something to tell you.” I said.
She put her soft white hand on my leg. Our string was getting shorter. The magic energy field was getting more intense. The mystery was getting deeper. Ok. A minute ago I thought I knew, but now…
“Me too!” she said gently. Then she reached her other hand into her purse which was on the table behind the sofa. As she reached around, the top button on her shift strained, and displayed more of her sensuous white breasts.
“Remember?” she held a key on a small gold chain. Showing, and kind of teasing me with it dangling there.
A thousand memories of those times rushed back into my head. I remembered it all. It did happen. I could see it all again just like it was yesterday before I went to bed.
“Here, I want you to take it.” She said as she pressed the key into my palm.
“Tonight at 9, OK?!?” , she whispered.
He came back in with a tray of drinks, and sat them on the table before us.
“So how have you been? You look good. Haven’t seen you in …How long?” He was a quick and glib salesman who used to work for me when I was the General Manager.
We sat there for 30 minutes chatting and acting like three friends passing shallow information.
“Well what say we all go out to dinner?” He asked.
She looked at him, and I could tell he knew that was a “not tonight look.”
“Sorry, guys, but I have another engagement tonight, but thanks for the offer.” I said as I got up to leave.
She walked me to the door, and pinched my arm just before I left. I had slipped the key in my coat pocket.
“So we’ll see you again soon? Right?” She said as I exited.
“Oh for sure” I responded.
How was she going to pull this off ? Would I remember where to go.
I drove around for a few hours, and then I found myself parked across from our meeting place.
The hour had come, and I went to the door. To my surprise the key worked. I walked down the dark hall, and opened the first door on the left where I saw a faint light sliding out from under the door.
How did she do it, I wondered? She was already there in bed and naked. This was impossible. I was outside. I did not see her come in. I had the key. Yes it was a dream. In dreams things happen that are not always possible in real life. Our minds do the impossible because the mind can do anything without the bounds that restrict us in the awakened and “real” world we live in.
“ I was afraid you would not come.” She said in a hot, sensual, come hither voice.
“ I thought you had enough of my fantastic little body?” she said as she slid down under the sheets. Yet she did not cover her breasts, but let them exposed as if to tease me into joining her.
“Wait, I said.” I am here to solve a mystery.
“We never spoke before. Feelings and thoughts were all you needed.” She looked coy and slightly surprised.
“Yes, well I need to really know something” I responded as I came toward the bed.
“You know.” She smiled and slid the sheets down further, revealing more of her beautiful body. It was a definitive statement.
“What do you think I know?” I asked as I sat on the edge of the bed near her.
“You are smart. You are well educated. I heard you read all those books. You know the real thing from a vision.” She reached over to me.
“Is this a dream?” she asked as she ran her hand along my thigh and up to the object of her desire.
“I....I am not sure.” I said still trying to sort out the mystery.
“Close your eyes and feel. That’s all it takes. What else matters?” She said with her hot breath near my ear. Those lips;, that mouth her tongue. I could not think. All the education in the world; my classic Liberal Arts education meant nothing at that point. Would I ever resolve this conflict?
I did as she said. It is sweet. It seems real. It was…….
This morning I am putting it in writing in case I encounter her again.
